well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
