After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
