My vagina just recognized that song.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize