I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
