YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
