Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
