doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
