HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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