Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize