I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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