Apparently you make a good broom.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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