small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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