I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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