Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
