I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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