Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
