fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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