I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
