I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
