And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
