I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
