In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
