whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize