Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
