She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
