I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I supernannyed him into submission
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
