his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
