I'm eating all of the evidence.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
