What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
soo... how was my night?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
