I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
And then he peed in my hair
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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