He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
