that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
