What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize