fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Randomize
