meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
