Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
