Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
