So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
