so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
