just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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