Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My bed is full of blood and feathers
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
