Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
