Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Life without a bra equals bliss.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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