so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
