I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He did a backflip because drugs
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
