He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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