This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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