am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
