I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
