He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize