my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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