Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
