I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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