This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
