Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
This couple is walking their pig around campus
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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