He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
