I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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