Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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