Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
