OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
