i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
