yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
