I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My pussy is not your playground.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
