Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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