i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
