I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
