I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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