The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
