I'd wear matching sweaters with you
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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