No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize