last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
