I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize