omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
