it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
17 year olds will be the death of me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
