worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
please don't ironically join a cult
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