Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
God I need to hump something, right now.
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