I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
and she was petting her beer can
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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