It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
