Your face is a jimmy john
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dicks are not precious.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
