I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The ass gains better be worth it
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