okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
