I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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