Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
