so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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