I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
