NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
