They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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