Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
