You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
