After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
