is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
