If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
