that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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