I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
