Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think your dad took our porno
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
