so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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