do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i love accidental penises.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
