just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
