So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
