Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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