I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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